If you spend enough time with someone, eventually you will see their dark side. Not the bad temper. Not the frustration. The dark side: the judgmental snobby side. Even people of excellent character have one. I fully embrace my dark side. I can definitely be Snarky McSnarkington and enjoy it. It's the people who act like they don't have one that actually have the worst kind. The high & mighty self-righteous kind. While I've had my suspicions about the dark side of one particular person, I've never really seen it. In the last 20 years of the relationship we share, I haven't once seen it fully exposed. Like I said, he hints at it. Today, however, the veil was ripped from my eyes. Who is that masked man you ask? My father-in-law! My sweet, short, full of humor father-in-law!
I've always been a little insecure about the way Bobby's family views me and my family. (It's like that in every family, I think.) Nonetheless, you're familiar with the scenario. The new girlfriend in the family (1989 was a very good year!) really wants to impress her new beau's parents & sibs. New girlfriend then becomes fiancee and still wants to not only impress, but also please the parents & sibs. Fiancee becomes wife and now it is CRUCIAL that the now in-laws LOVE her... that she not give them ANY fodder for ANY misunderstanding or judgment of any kind. These are the people she has to celebrate holidays, etc. with for the next 100 years. No one wants any awkwardness or bad blood. Well, in my 20 years with the Popes (2 dating, 2 engaged, 16 married) my efforts to "contain the crazy" so as to avoid "the look" and "the talk", I have actually managed the exact opposite of what I wanted. I wanted peace and a low profile. What I have? Awkward unrest & misunderstanding. WHY DIDN'T I JUST LET THE CRAZY OUT IN THE FIRST PLACE? I could've been labeled fun and quirky and now life would be a big comfy couch.
Hence the veil-ripping of today. I was with my FIL at a local bookstore (owned by close friends, who were there as well) doing some Christmas shopping. He wanted my help in choosing a couple of books for Evan. He announces to the friend, "I'm buying books for him. I absolutely refuse to buy him stuff. His OTHER grandparents buy him stuff. Too much stuff. He has so much stuff he doesn't know what to do with it all." Alrighty then. The OTHER grandparents being MY parents. Um, hello Dave? I'm standing RIGHT HERE! But wait, there's more...he adds a little caveat: "I'm not dogging your dad." Really. Odd, because THAT'S WHAT IT SOUNDED LIKE!
I managed to keep a calm face. I excused myself under the guise of needing to look for a gift for a SIL. I was blinking back tears by the time I reached the front of the store. WTH! I wanted to scream at, I mean, inform him that his OTHER grandparents give him their time. They give him books. They play games with him, not torture him with tickling (which he hates). They can HEAR him when he shares what's going on in his life. (Oh, right, it's not a hearing problem you have, it's a speech discrimination problem).
Perhaps I should've said, "Thanks for the insight into what you really think about my parents." If he only knew how much I've wanted to say but haven't! All for the sake of peace. Well, look out Dave (and Carol, too)! The gloves are coming off!
